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The Past is the Present: Day 11

by - Thursday, March 26, 2020

I never thought I would have the time to write a journal entry after work today, but then again, here I am. I can be fickle and I can also be erratic when it comes to the things that I do. My psychologist calls it anxiety, I call it artistic temperament. So, here we are, day 11 in quarantine.

Today's prompt came this morning from Yza: Post a photo from when we were still young (like 1-10 years old).

When I saw today's prompt, I didn't think that it would trigger any reflections. I have a couple of big boxes at the back of my closet filled with old diaries, planners, college course cards, love letters, an old mass intention for Axl Rose, and yes, photos of 2-year old me up until the end of the film camera era.


Looking through the box again this afternoon, I saw photos of my younger self with innocent eyes and smiles posing for the camera. I found myself reflecting on my childhood. Looking at the photos I dug deep how I was as a child and how my parents raised me. It got me thinking that if I really thought about what my childhood was all about, it would somehow help me see how I'm influenced by my childhood experiences and why it’s so important to become aware of how they shaped my approach to parenting with my own kids.

Yup! This post, friends, is still connected to yesterday's prompt. So I asked myself, "How did my childhood affect how I raise my children?". With a bunch of photos from my childhood laid out before me, I saw that I had a relatively normal childhood along with thousands of people from my generation.
As a GenX-er (born 1965-1980), my generation has largely rejected the constant hovering or “helicopter” parenting to our kids as compared to the parenting style associated with our baby boomer predecessors (born 1946-1964).

I won't get into specifics on how I was raised though, but I can't tell you how many times I've opened my mouth to say something and heard my parents’ words come out? I feel that I re-created with my children what I experienced with my own parents. Like for example, I remember my dad showering under the rain with us and can still remember how much fun we had. It was an activity that was something really special I share with my siblings and my dad.
There were things my parents forced me into doing something against my will, and it is something I do not want to do to my kids. Like forcing me to study ballet or the piano for years. I also did not have a say in where I wanted to go to school, or did I get to tell my parents that I was really unhappy in that school. And as a result, I've learned to listen to my kids, and encourage them to express how they're feeling and really listen. I want to encourage my kids to be more independent and try new things, and doesn’t shy away from competition.
Based on my childhood and realizing all of these things during my reflection, I came up with a list of things that I want to do when raising my kids:

I will encourage my kids to try new activities. When I see that they’re nervous, I will suggest that they team up with a friend. Growing up, I wouldn't have done the things I did in school without the support of a friend or friends. I believe that doing new things with a trusted friend can make a big difference.

I'll try to keep it casual. If my kid sees that it’s no big deal for me when they don’t like something, or when they fail, they won’t have to worry about disappointing me. By doing this, I hope that this will help keep them open to trying new things.

I promise to be more observant and aware. I feel that if my parents paid close attention to how I felt with the school they have chosen for me, it would have made a big difference in my personality and outlook in life. And by paying close attention to what grabs my kids' imagination, they could end up surprising me with their interest, ability, and focus.

Emphasize the experience, not the outcome. If or when the time comes one day that they come home crying that they have lost in a sports game, or have gotten an F, I will try to focus on what they’re learning along the way, or how they can pick up a new approach to seeing or doing something to change the outcome the next time. I believe that teaching my children how to manage disappointment or failure is a fantastic life skill.
I know that it will take a lot of trial and error. I want to grow with my children and making a lot of mistakes along the way is to be expected. But I have people around me who love me and I know who will guide me. I learn from my children as much as they learn from me.

And as long as I listen to the voice of my younger self in my head, I know that I can raise my own kids to be the happiest best versions of themselves.









PS. These photos are the ones I shared with my friends this morning during our prompting session.







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1 comments

  1. What a beautiful post. I really loved what you said about emphasizing the experience. I think that makes such a huge difference!
    the creation of beauty is art.

    ReplyDelete

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