Reflecting to Cope: Day 9
So, as of writing this, I have just signed out of our WFH (work from home) time sheet, and I am feeling as unsure and somewhat emotionally unstable as I have been the past 5 days of working from home.
I work in retail. I am a professional makeup artist turned art director in the E-commerce department of a retail giant.
When the news of the lockdown broke out on March 13, 2020, we were in Mindoro and everything was blurry from that point on. Fast forward to this morning, I was chatting with a good friend from the office and I have been sharing with her my feelings on how this whole Covid19 pandemic is affecting me and my weighing scale. She suggested that I put my thoughts and my feelings to paper (or blog about it) to help me cope. So, here I am.
I haven't posted anything in this blog for a while now, a blog that I have breathed and loved for the past 12 years, and it is so sad that we are reaquainted under these circumstances.
My friend was right. As I type my thoughts to this post, I sort-of feel a bit more grounded in a way. As I Google for reflection questions, one stood out that compelled me to reflect and answer:
"What changes did you experience in your mental health this year?"
For those of you who know me well, I am an anxious person and have undergone therapy and medication. But that's a story for another time.
Let's journey back 6 months ago. I was working from home as a freelance makeup artist, writing in my income generating blog, and managing my micro home-based business selling organic and natural skin care. It was ideal. I was able to take care of my children, Raul, and the household while I got to do my work that I loved so much. But I was empty. Every night, after tucking my children in bed, I felt unaccomplished and most of my days I feel lost. I often told my therapist this analogy that I felt stuck in a washing machine. My emotions were stuck in the wash and rinse cycle, going round and round and round. I was lost.
Sure, he prescribed me with some kick ass maintenance meds that made the cycle stop and finally got myself out of the washer, but still, I felt empty. This went on and off for years.
When I got my job, it was a leap. It was a big change. I hate change, specially things that are very unfamiliar to me. But I promised myself that I was going to go through the entire hiring process and just see from there. 3 weeks after my first interview with two young ladies, I walked out of that HR office with an offer letter in hand, I had a sudden gush of excited feeling I haven't felt in a really long time.
A week and a half weeks before my start date, I started getting up 30 minutes before my alarm clock goes off. I started working out, eating right, and even began putting the extra time to put on my makeup and doing my hair. I was inspired. The biggest change? An un-filled prescription of my anti-depressants left in my home office desk. A week before I was supposed to start work, I suddenly realized that I wasn't taking my medicine anymore. I did not need the pills to make me function and to be in the right headspace. I felt like a new person.
My friends at work kept me feeling young. Even though that most of them are almost half my age, and they do not understand my chosen movie references, I suddenly did not feel like the 40 year old hag that I was. I found that I was calmer at home (relatively speaking), and I found myself more patient with my kids. I finally understood the meaning of "quality time".
I was suddenly aware of things like CALM, Reiki Healing, Burning Herbs, Candles, Crystals, developing a sudden weird love for cats, and a DAY KEEPER. I was surrounded by young, talented, and artistic people, and I found myself suddenly healing. I started meditating and even journaling. Something that I have never done before. Of course there are days that I still find myself snapping and scaring the crap out of my office friends, but the change was evident in terms of my temper and my personality.
It's amazing how changing one thing can affect every facet of your life. It was a chain reaction that came at a lightning speed. I find myself coming home from work happy, and excited to start my day again the next day.
As I end this blog post, I find myself somewhat calmer. Not completely, but I guess it's a start. Fans of The Makeup Maven may find more reflective posts in the future. I might publish a few beauty posts here and there too, but I hope you find these kinds of posts enlightening as well.
The future looks bleak for now, specially when we are no where near finding a sure cure of the virus, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a matter of how we look at the journey towards that.
2 comments
I think it is incredible that you have been so open and honest. I too struggle with anxiety issues and don't handle change well. So I really related to your story. Things right now are so up in the air and I am sending you only the best thoughts. Thank you for inspiring me to look past the fear today.
ReplyDeletethe creation of beauty is art.
Thank you so much for reading! Sending love and good vibes to you from across the globe! We will all get through this together! &hhearts;
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