I remember when I first announced on Facebook that I was pregnant, everyone was delighted knowing I tried hard to have a baby for 4 years. A good friend of mine texted me and congratulated me and said "good fucking luck!" I wasn't offended or anything, I laughed out loud actually and just didn't understand the meaning behind her message. All I knew was that parenthood is hard so maybe that's what she meant.

A week after we brought Henri home, and came the sleepless nights and painful breastfeeding latching, I messaged my friend and said "Remember when you told me 'good fucking luck?' I now fucking get it."


Read more about my birthing experience and the first few weeks of motherhood after the break!

When I got to the hospital, they induced labor -they hooked me up to an IV that contains Oxytocin to stimulate contractions so that it can help speed my cervix to open up to 10cm. Since my water bag broke, the doctors had 24 hours to get me to 10cm and deliver the baby.

After about 3 hours and reaching 7-8 on the pain scale, I asked for an epidural. And because they had to increase the flow of the Oxytocin to speed things along, my pain reached from 2 to 7 in just about 3 hours. Unfortunately, after hours of painful labor pains later, I only reached 3cm until the doctors noticed that the baby couldn't take the contractions. His heart rate would go down from 150+ to about 60-80 beats per minute, and though he quickly recovered from the contractions, he was still high up in my stomach, still far away from getting into position to be pushed out of my vajayjay, and having no more water in my tummy, the contractions were putting pressure on his head and his heart.

That's when the doctors called for an emergency C-Section. At this point, everything was a blur. They shaved me, and wheeled me to the delivery room where I was shaking and shivering uncontrollably. I was told that it was because of the epidural, but I know it was more of me being scared of what was to happen.

From the time they lifted me to the operating table, everything moved so fast. The put a blanket up in front of me to block my view from the chest down, but I can still feel what was going on. After disinfecting me with what I assume is betadine, and having a catheter uncomfortably shoved up my urethra, I was ready.

I was injected with more epidural to numb me from the waist down. It took several minutes but after a while, I couldn't feel any pain. I don't know what they gave me but they gave me something to relax and to feel groggy. I remember feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to sleep but I tried to stay awake to hear my baby's first cry.

Having heard Henri cry plus a photo op afterwards, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was in recovery. I remember feeling drowsy still (like I took 2 extra strength Nyquils), and I was told that I had to spend extra hours in the recovery room since I lost a lot of blood. I didn't realize how severe the problem was until I got to the room and was able to talk to my doctor.

Fast forward to 7 hours post delivery, I felt refreshed from a very deep sleep. My parents then came to visit me with my sister and her best friend. It was just pure happiness to see them all come to visit me after a somewhat traumatic and tiring day.
Only minutes after getting settled into my room, the nurse from the nursery came and brought in Henri for his first "feeding". I put that in quotation marks because one should not expect to have milk on the very first day. It was more on training your child to latch on to your boobies.

Makati Med's nurses are also educated in lactation and breastfeeding so they will guide you on how to make your baby latch properly. I tell you, feeling absolutely bloated all over and aching and all over (in spit of the morphine I was on), they really pushed me to make Henri latch on to me. It was quite difficult because of the position I was in. I couldn't sit up not could I have the bed adjusted to an upright position because of the pain of my C-section wound, so I had to try my best to make Henri latch on to my boobs lying down.
Months leading up to my delivery, I had people left and right tell me that whatever happens, I had to try my best to breastfeed. Having watched my sister breastfeed her 3 kids, I didn't think it was THAT hard. I was informed that it would be hard work, but I didn't realize how much harder it was until we brought Henri home.

My mommy friends shared their breastfeeding stories, about how some of them had their nipples bleed from too much latching, some had their nipples dried out and cracked. They gave me tips on how to survive these mishaps.

It took several tries to finally have Henri latch on to my nipples and it was the most wonderful feeling ever. It was then I realized "Oh gosh, I'm a mom." The lactation consultant told me to latch him 15 minutes on each breast to stimulate the flow of my milk and that's what I did.
DAY 1 POST DELIVERY: I spent the whole day watching TV and really just spending time with Henri trying to make him get used to latching on to me. The nursery would bring him to me every 2 hours on the dot for feeding and it was really convenient too. I didn't appreciate this until we roomed him in too but I will tell you about that later on.

After the morphine has worn off, I started to feel contractions on my uterus which no one told me about was like hell. It was like going through labor pains again and it was one of the longest nights of my life. No one told me about the aches and pains that come after child birth. It was even worse than labor pains!

The contractions you feel after giving birth is the uterus contracting back to its original size. It will take weeks for the uterus to go back to its normal size, but the contractions will also prevent your body from bleeding too much! But I tell you, it was so painful that I had to ask for pain killers. My anaesthesiologist had to give me something via epidural catheter because I am allergic to Ibuprofen and Mefenamic Acid.
In spite of me being in pain, there was no excuse not to let Henri latch on to my boobies. The nursery will bring the baby to you every 2 hours for feeding, no exceptions. I had to endure the pain.

Surprisingly, I was able to pass gas several times and I was ready to eat solid food! Actually, eat whatever I wanted because my gestational diabetes and hypertension finally went away. Yay!
DAY 3 POST DELIVERY: On the third day, I was able to go to the bathroom without assistance. I did suffer from my legs being "manas" because of the Oxytocin. It was one of the side effects. Gosh it was uncomfortable! I never thought that having "manas" legs were painful, I though they would just look bloated! Another thing that no one warned me about.

By this day, I was passing out blood clots from my vajayjay the size of small grapefruits. Gross, I know, but apparently very normal. I passed maybe about 4 huge balls of blood clots that was so unbelievably uncomfortable, slightly painful, and at the same time, relieving. As long as you don't pass big clots of blood exceeding a day, then this is normal I was told.

After being visited by all my doctors giving me home-care instructions, we were given the go signal to room-in our baby Henri if we wanted to. Raul and I were over confident that we could do it so we said "SURE! WHY NOT?!" Talk about being overly confident. We were in for a big surprise that evening.

What other mothers don't tell you is that taking care of an infant is no walk in the park. For the past 3 days where the nurse brings Henri for feeding and takes him away after feeding was a luxury! Having Henri with us that last night at the hospital was an unforgettable experience. It was the first time we experienced everything that comes with taking care of an infant. Made me appreciate the MMC nursery! LOL

Henri was awake every 30 minutes wanting to latch on to my boobies to feed. By this time, my milk has finally arrived so Henri was finally getting his colostrum from me. Here's a shot of Henri during our last night at the hospital.
DAY 4 POST DELIVERY: By the time we were to be discharged to go home on the fourth day, I am able to walk around longer without having anyone assist me. I am able to go to the bathroom on my own and by this time, my oral pain medication have kicked in. Having only Paracetamol to keep my pain at bay, I was really starting to adapt to the pain.

In spite of baby Henri keeping us up all night, proud daddy and my hubby Raul can't get enough of our little boy. Here he is holding baby Henri just waiting for our discharge papers.
Truth be told, we had no idea what we were doing. We had no idea how to care for a new born and we didn't have a yaya to help us either. We decided to try to do this on our own before I gave birth but now I can tell you, for first time mothers out there, YOU DEFINITELY NEED ONE.

Upon arriving at home, I was still stiff because I still had pain in my wound and was wearing a very tight binder. Without it, I felt like my insides were going to fall off. Caring for a new born while recovering from a Cesarean wound definitely deserves an award.

We were lucky the day we brought Henri home, all he did was sleep during the day and latch on to me for only 10 minutes each breast and would fall back to sleep almost immediately. During the night though, that was a different story. He wouldn't sleep, and wants to be permanently attached to my boobies all night. He was awake every 30 minutes and Raul and I took turns trying to put him back to sleep.
DAY 5 POST DELIVERY: On the fifth day, I can move faster and more comfortably in spite of having pain still specially when I sneeze and cough.

Actually, I think what made me recover faster was the fact that we didn't have a yaya. We had to do everything ourselves and I had no choice but to suck up the pain. So mommies-to-be out there, if you will undergo CS delivery, I suggest you fight the urge to just stay in bed. Try to move about as soon as you can! Unless of course your doctor advises against it!

I am still a slow-moving new mommy but I am able to carry and soothe Henri whenever he needs me. Something I never knew I could do too! I am still latching Henri every 2 hours and my boobies have gotten used to the latching. They don't hurt as much anymore. If you need help in soothing your very raw and sore nipples, four words: MUSTELA NURSING COMFORT BALM. This really helped me a lot after each feeding!
DAY 7 POST DELIVERY: After a week from delivery, Henri's schedule has changed drastically. He now constantly wants to latch on to me and seems to be hungry on short intervals. By this time, my nipples became raw again because of the constant nursing.

Henri's paediatrician told me to only latch him 15 minutes on each breast every 2 hours to avoid nipple bleeding which can cause problems if Henri ingests the blood. So best to keep the latching for only 15 minutes each. Which seemed to not help at all too because he was constantly hungry!

Good thing we were able to ask for breastmilk from my bestfriend who has a 6-month old son and is breastfeeding exclusively. We cup feed Henri about 20-30cc more after each latching and he seems satisfied too. But that didn't last because by Day 10, he wanted so much more.

Henri's feeding wasn't the only issue for me, but as he approaches Day 10 where growth spurts usually occur, their sleeping patterns change too! He now sleeps in 30-minute intervals and won't go back to sleep unless he latches on to my boobies. Now there's something Mustela's Nursing Comfort Balm won't cure specially if your nipples don't get a rest!
DAY 14 POST DELIVERY: By Day 14, I finally took the plunge and decided on mix-feeding with formula and breastmilk, and finally am able to do bottle feeding. It was THE BEST decision I ever made. My OB recommended HIPP Organic Milk for 0-6 months.

Day 14 marks 2 weeks of baby Henri. He is happy and healthy with just breastmilk actually but it was my sanity that has jumped out the window. I because depressed and panicky every time the sun goes down and I would have palpitations. It wasn't baby blues anymore, I knew it was anxiety.

With the breastfeeding nazis constantly nagging me about purely breastfeeding, I was fed the notion that I would be a bad mother if I don't breastfeed exclusively. But after consulting with my OB who cares so much more about my well-being, told me that deciding to mix feed my baby formula won't make me less of a mother. It took me 3 days to decide, but finally did it.
My advice to new moms and moms-to-be is DON'T let "The Granola People" and "The Breastfeeding Nazis" get you down or cloud your inability to decide what is best for YOU and for your baby.
So if you are a new mom like me and you have decided to bottle feed and put your baby on formula, you should congratulate yourself for at least trying your best. Remember, no matter what those breastfeeding nazis tell you, you can very much bond over a bottle. Just keep eye contact and talk to your baby. Hold your baby close to your breast when you do it.

Henri at 2 weeks and 4 days