Love Beauty and Planet - PhP 390 / 400ml

My new favorite brand of shampoo comes in five different variants, each of which is meant to treat different hair concerns. I only got three in one go though, because these three were the only ones we had at the grocery. I would have gotten all five if they were all available. 

The ringing in my right ear is starting to really bother me. I have been doing my best to stay calm and just doing my mantra to calm myself, but as soon as the room gets quiet, my tinnitus gets worse. I need to mask the noise with a fan now, and it helps a lot. I have quit my Juul because they say that nicotine can make it worse. Well, I only read about that a minute ago and I have to at least try.

At dinner, when the noise in my ear was a bit overwhelming, I got a little anxious but I nipped it at the bud. I had to stop myself from going on a downward spiral so I went upstairs to write so as to not to fall into that. I have to take it one day at a time, otherwise I'll go crazy. Writing has always made me feel better and makes me compartmentalize everything in my mind more efficiently so here I am prompting. I checked my prompting list, and this is what I have for today:

When was the last time you felt truly alive? Is there a way to replicate this feeling now?

Let's see, let's think about this for a second.  Looking back at my life, I've had so much of those. Answering that with "birth of my children" or "the day I got married" would be obvious, so I decided to dig a little deeper. Thinking about this for a while, I realized that the last time I felt truly alive, was when I got my current job. I have been working as a freelance makeup artist, and a proprietor for the past 17 years, and although the money was good and it provided what I needed to help support my family, I felt unfulfilled. It felt like something was missing, and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. I didn't understand it at that time, and didn't want to complain about what I had because it seemed I had everything that I could ever want. A family, a house, a car, and a business that I could run from the comfort of my own home. But at the end of the day, I felt lost and unaccomplished.

Applying for a full time job wasn't an option for me 7 months ago. I have been doing the work-from-home thing for so long that I've forgotten how to be in an office. I think a big part of me was scared of the commitment that I would have to give to work 9 to 5 6. I was already setting myself up for failure, which was really being unfair to myself.

When I heard about the job opening from a really good friend of mine, it was a job so perfect for me. But even though it was a job that was right up my alley, I was scared shitless to even apply for it. My sister was the one who convinced me to go through the application process and just decide later on if I would take the job or not. So I went through the interviews and busied myself getting the requirements together, 3 weeks later I was offered the job. As soon as I got that offer, I felt something I haven't felt in a really long time: JOY. I couldn't really explain exactly what I felt at that moment, but it was like coming back to life. It wasn't about the paycheck (although that is a big help), it was realizing that I had skills to offer and contribute to the company, and that they were recognized even at my age.

My husband and my kids make me feel alive, don't get me wrong. But this is something for myself, and myself alone. That moment that I succeeded in getting hired after being self-employed for almost 2 decades was completely indescribable. I don't think that I can replicate that feeling anytime soon being in quarantine and all, but I would imagine that when we get back to the office I can move forward and do my job well. But until then, I will have to live each day the best way I know how to cope because being anxious won't get this whole situation move faster.

Write a list of the day’s accomplishments and small wins, no matter how small. Celebrate each one individually.

I have been wanting my own monogram for a while now. I even tried designing one for myself but since I am not a graphic artist, and only knows a few tricks in Photoshop, I have been unsuccessful. I started searching online for monograms with my initials CHD, and maybe just buy one. There are a lot of them online actually, but most of them costs about $500-$800 to own the rights to the monogram that was readily available. There were plenty to choose from, but nothing that represented or appealed to me. Two days of Googling, I came across a freelance graphic artist online named Adeel.

I got in touch with him and he responded immediately via a chat app, and he was very professional and courteous. I explained to him what I wanted: a monogram that represents me, something that looks very "Girl Boss", versatile, bold, contemporary, and yet feminine. Oh, and I also mentioned that I am obsessed with butterflies.

It took him less than two days to complete my order, faster than the time that he had promised. We had some minor adjustments after the first pass, and he was really quick to do the revisions. He sent me the files in less than two days:
So, why own my own monogram? Personal branding is far more than just what you do or what your website and business cards look like. It is you—uniquely you. It allows you to distinguish yourself from everyone else: what is unique about who you are and what you do. Your brand is about making yourself known for your skills and talents. A monogram is also something like a signature written or impressed or embossed on a certain thing to identify belongings. It is a sort of an identity.

I wasn't going to post this recipe because it didn't look nice enough in photos, but it's so good (and simple!) that I just had to share it with you guys. I have been cooking this recipe for years and Raul and the kids love it. Having nothing else in our pantry that one time about 3 years ago, and too much canned gata, I had to be innovative. If there's anything Filipinos love, it's gata.

So I put together this 5-ingredient dish, and it came out pretty good. You can do without the canned mushrooms, but it's another thing in our pantry that we had too much of so, why not? I know the chicken looks plenty, but they shrink when you cook them, so I think per person can eat about 2-3 each.

• 1K Chicken Thighs (washed really well)
• 198g Canned Mushrooms (Stems & Pieces) - optional
• 5 pieces Dried Mushrooms (soak in hot water before slicing), set aside the water
• 1 can of 400ml Coconut Milk
• 4 pieces crushed Garlic
• Salt and Black Peppermill Grind
• Pinch of white sugar

Nope, this is not a recipe post, but a reflection one..

I had a good day today. Except for the headache I had this afternoon, but in general I had a really good day. I was productive at work and I am really happy about that, I was focused and was able to get a lot of things done. I have been "Keeping the Faith" the past few days, and I have been feeling pretty positive lately. Plus, I had that awesome meditation and reflection session last night with a few friends.

This afternoon after work, I was craving for a really large greasy pizza. I just love the smell of pizza, don't you? And that brings me to today's prompt: "What smell or taste brings a smile to your face? Now, go find that yummy smell or taste and take a few minutes of alone time to enjoy it."
I have been dreaming of a really good pizza since the start of quarantine. Pizza always makes me smile because pizza is always good for sharing, and then it's not just the pizza you enjoy, it's the company too.

Ok, ok, I like pizza.

My psychologist tells me that whenever I get anxious or when my mind is wandering somewhere dark, he suggested that I focus either on 5 things that uses my 5 senses: something I see, something I can touch, something I hear, something I smell, and something that I can taste. Or sometimes, focus on one thing, and use my 5 senses thinking about that "thing": How does is it look like? feel? How does it sound? Smell? Taste? In my case, PIZZA.

I took about 10 minutes today thinking about pizza, I allowed myself a little time to think about my favorite pizza. Doing that, really put me in a good mood (and very hungry), and it gave me something to look forward to.

When the Enhanced Community Quarantine is lifted, I'm going to have myself a really large pizza and enjoy it with a friend or two.

My days are starting to blur together. I don't even know what day it is anymore sometimes, and I really am relying on my blog now to tell me which days are which. Although I am now more in control of my days because I have been telling myself that God will guide me, and to just "Keep the Faith". I have been putting my trust and all my burdens in Him lately, and it really has been helping me a lot to cope with my anxiety.

I woke up last night at around 1:22am. I was not anxious or anything, but my mind was just fully awake. Instead of stressing about it, I told myself that I will eventually fall back to sleep when I was tired, and just to let it ride. I watched Justice League last night, and woke up with my headphones still on. I woke up refreshed, and no anxiety about not being able to sleep all night.

This morning at work, I was more productive too. Usually I struggle with which task I am supposed to do first, taking me about 15 minutes to decide. But today, I found that I was more organized in days of being scatter brained. Yza invited me to her Full Moon Circle session after work and I was really excited about it.

#1 Because she will be leading the session.
#2 I needed something to relax me and get into the right headspace with someone guiding me how to do it.

Tonight is the Libra Full Moon. Peace, love and serenity are the order of the day on April 7 (today) as the 2020 Libra full moon shines overhead (at 10:35 PM EDT). Having a full moon at the last degree of a sign means that you will feel a strong urge to finish something, to release the old, and illuminate a new path forward. The sign of Libra, ruled by the planet Venus, is all about creating balance, harmony, and keeping the peace.

We had a guided session led by my friend and office mate, Yza, and it was a really good session. We meditated, we did yoga, and we reflected. Our circle opened up and learned from each other how we are letting go of all the negativity that we are all facing, not only with the current crisis, but negativity in our lives. It was really refreshing to have someone guide you to reaching inner peace and sending out love and good vibes to the people you love and the universe.


Tonight, I want to reflect on how I relate to people when I am calm, and how it differs to when I am triggered and go on a downward spiral. I think a lot of people can relate to this. When I am calm and everything in my life is on track and going according to my plan, I am patient and understanding when interacting with other people. But of course, when I am triggered and on my way to a downward spiral, I can't find myself to talk to other people. I am consumed by my own negative thoughts. Everything is dark, and I can hardly comprehend anything.
One of my tools for dealing with such is a mantra that was taught to me by my dad, "Keep the Faith." It's basically leaving everything to higher power because really, we cannot control everything. I have to tell myself that there are things that are beyond my control, and I just have to leave it up to Him. I promise to do the best I can, and just concentrate on things that I can control and just let it go.

This is an excellent time for self-reflection. I read that while New Moons are about setting intentions, Full Moons beg us to re-evaluate our status in life. How far along are we in the goals we set in the past? If we haven’t been working on them, what’s holding us back?

Knowing this, this could also indicate a time to further communicate with someone very dear to me. Going deeply into my connection with that someone can be hard at times, but this could also mark a breakthrough in our partnership if I can keep their best interests in mind and play fair. I have until tomorrow to figure everything out, and just let it go and move on. Anxiety is all about letting things go and moving on.

Photo by Ithalu Dominguez

Considering that it's a Monday, I had a pretty good day. I would have some thinking-spell episodes but I was able to shake them off right away. I was able to workout this morning, do my office work, and able to take some time to do the grocery list. I must say, that this is the first time in 3 days that I am able to function well without getting sucked into the vortex that is my paranoid mind.
Carla - 1
Anxiety - 0

I am happy today too that in some way, I was able to help a friend dealing with anxiety. I was able to impart wisdom on how to deal with anxiety the best way I know how, and I am just so happy to know that it's been helping her deal with hers as well. The best way to deal with anxiety is to talk to someone who understands what it feels like to have anxiety. Because an anxious person does not want to hear "Ang drama mo..." (you're being dramatic) or "wag mo kasing pansinin!" ("just don't mind it!)
I came prepared after seeing today's prompt this morning before logging in at work, "What song brings a smile to your face? Make sure you take 4 minutes to listen to that song at least once today.". I have been listening to this song all day, and it has put me in a good mood. It's "ME!" by Taylor Swift. So millennial, I know, but it's been putting a smile on my face all day, and I'll take it. Thank you Tay-Tay!

I have been in a relatively good mood all day, I have been looking at the bright side of things. Although I know that sometimes my good moods can be short lived, but I try not think about tomorrow.

I watched the sunset today reflecting against the windows off of our neighbor's house and it was very peaceful to watch. This is the first time in the 2 years that we have lived here that I noticed that you can see the sunset from the neighbor's windows. I guess there really is a silver lining amidst the chaos that is the pandemic. The beauty of the sunset enriches life which makes it more rewarding, and it just gives a better sense of gratitude to God and the beauty that is mother nature.
When you are caught up in the natural beauty of the Earth (like a sunset), you rid yourself of any distractions and feel higher levels of satisfaction and gratitude for what's happening right in front of you. Don't you feel that when watching the sunset? Or the sunrise? It feels like the time slows down and I know a lot of you will agree that the warm colors of the sunset holds the power to just stop anyone in their tracks.

Our life is paused because of the pandemic, but the Earth continues to spin. The gift of time was given to us to make us appreciate the smaller things in life, but makes the biggest impact.

"ME!" by Taylor Swift